Things the Star Wars Cast Wouldn't Say
by mars planet
Summary: Things the Star Wars Cast wouldn't say, really fun you should read it, and please RxR
1. Things the Star Wars Cast Wouldn't Say

Disclaimer: You now the drill, I don't own Star Wars, ok? Don't make me say it again, please?  
  
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Things the Star Wars cast wouldn't say  
  
  
  
Mara: Oh my gosh! Like, that dress is sooooo cute, like, punk and fluffy.  
  
  
  
Mara: Ben, didn't I told you not to play with your daddy's lightsaber.  
  
Ben: But, mommy, it wasnt my fault, it was Threepio, he was the one that destroyed the house.  
  
  
  
Luke: Screw the galaxy! I wanna get high with Yoda.  
  
  
  
Borsk: That's it, from now on, instead of being an evil, cunning politian with no sense of fashion; I'll be an evil, cunning baby sitter with no sense of fahion.  
  
  
  
Luke: Jade, stay off my pants!  
  
  
  
Han: Where did I leave those damn wookie pajamas!?  
  
  
  
C3PO: I'm gay, and I wanna elope with Artoo. (R2-D2 screeches and runs away in fear)  
  
  
  
Padmé: Anakin, I'm sorry but my heart belongs to another (dun dun dun).........R2-D2 (R2-D2 screeches and runs away in fear)  
  
  
  
Darth Vader: (breathing deeply)......(breathing deeply)...... Okay, who took my inhaler? Palpy you know i gotta use it every three hours!!!  
  
  
  
Han: I've seen death, blood, an Imperial Army, Leia naked, Death Stars, the birth of a child, a wookie in the bath tub, Leia naked, Jabba the hutt, a shaved Ryn, did I mention Leia naked?, but I've never seen as weird as Yoda.  
  
  
  
Darth Vader: You will join me and we will rule Middle-Earth.( gets evil glare from Lucas).er Galaxy, like father and son.  
  
  
  
Yoda: (long fart)  
  
Master Windu: Eeeeww!!!!!, how can a little thing like you, make something as big as that.  
  
  
  
Leia: (giving a speech to the senate, farts) oops  
  
  
  
Boba Fett: Things I can use my father's helmet for: baech ball, picnic basket, soup bowl, fish bowl, Halloween Mask, shower cap, baseball hat, good excuse for not to get kisses from icky girls, to hit Han Solo, to hit whiny Luke Skywalker, teddy bear, to hide from Darth in hide-and-seek.  
  
  
  
Boba Fett: Things to use my father's head for: ........just kidding.  
  
  
  
Mara: I wanna go with you guys, girls are soft and annoying.  
  
Han: are you saying that you wanna be a guy?  
  
Mara: No, you guys are too weird.  
  
Luke: Hey, wedge, I think my lightsaber is stuck in my nose.  
  
Mara: I rest my case.  
  
  
  
Luke: (snore)  
  
Mara: Farmboy, honey, wake up.  
  
Luke: But mommy, I don't wanna save the universe today (snore)  
  
  
  
Mara: (falls from bed) Ooow, I think I broke something (pulls out broken lightsaber)  
  
  
  
Mara: (is fighting with a Yuuzhan-Vong warrior, suddenly something cracks) Ohmygosh! I think I broke my nail! (Turns and glares to Yuuzhan Vong warrior)  
  
Yuuzhan Vong warrior: eep (turns and runs in fear)  
  
  
  
X-wing: 20,000 credits; Machano-hand: 10,000 credits; ride on a Corellian YT-1300 freighter (namely the Millenium Falcon): 2,000 credits; Being the last frigging Jedi who has to save the whole damn galaxy single-handedly: priceless.  
  
  
  
Ben: Mommy, look I'm Men in Black.  
  
Mara: But honey, you're dressed in white.  
  
Ben: (cries)  
  
  
  
Ben: Daddy, what's this? (holds up Condom)  
  
Luke: Mara, come here for a second, please?  
  
Mara: (arrives and sees condom in Ben's hand) Memory wipe?  
  
Luke: Memory Wipe.  
  
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Bloody Murder: Sorry folks, that's all, if you want to keep me updating, send reviews. More reviews Mwahahahahaha!  
  
Ben: Mommy, is she crazy? Mara: Yes, honey she is.  
  
Ben: Ah. 


	2. Star Wars Nursery Rhymes

Star Wars Nursery Rhymes By Bloody Murder  
  
Disclaimer: I told not to make me say it again! Well, any way, I don't own Star Wars. I wouldn't be doing this right now if I did.  
  
  
  
Twinkle, Twinkle, Deathly Star  
  
  
  
Twinkle, Twinkle,  
  
Deathly Star,  
  
How I wonder what you are,  
  
Up above Alderaan,  
  
Like a moon in the sky,  
  
Twinkle, Twinkle,  
  
Deathly Star,  
  
How I wonder what you are.  
  
  
  
The Itsy Bitsy Jawa  
  
  
  
The Itsy Bitsy Jawa,  
  
went up the dune of sand,  
  
down came the raid,  
  
and made the Jawa run,  
  
out came Old Ben,  
  
and scared up all the guys,  
  
so the Itsy Bisty Jawa,  
  
went up the dune again.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fly your ship  
  
  
  
Fly, fly, your ship,  
  
Through the Hydian way,  
  
Rapidly, rapidly, rapidly, rapidly,  
  
The TIE fighters will come.  
  
  
  
  
  
Yoda had a Padawan  
  
  
  
Yoda had a Padawan,  
  
Padawan,  
  
Padawan,  
  
Yoda had a Padawan,  
  
As whiny as a horse.  
  
  
  
Hickory, Hickory, Dock  
  
  
  
Hickory, Hickory, Dock,  
  
Artoo ran up the dock,  
  
A ship fell down,  
  
Artoo was smashed,  
  
Hickory, Hickory, Dock.  
  
  
  
  
  
Owen Larrs had a farm  
  
  
  
Owen Larrs had a farm  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
And in his farm he had a nephew  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
With a whine, whine here  
  
And a whine, whine there,  
  
Here a whine, there a whine  
  
Everywhere a whine, whine  
  
Owen Larrs had a farm  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
And in his farm he had a wife  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
With a (kissing noise) here  
  
And a (kissing noise) there  
  
Here a (kissing noise), there a (kissing noise)  
  
Everywhere a (kissing noise)  
  
Owen Larrs had a farm  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
And in his farm he had a droid  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
With a beep, beep here  
  
And a beep, beep there  
  
Here a beep, there a beep  
  
Everywhere a beep, beep  
  
Owen Larrs had a farm  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
And in his farm he had a body(Shmi)  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
With a sob, sob here  
  
And a sob, sob there  
  
Here a sob, there a sob  
  
Everywhere a sob, sob  
  
Owen Larrs had a farm  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
And in his farm he had another droid  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
With an Oh my! Here  
  
And an Oh my! There  
  
Here an Oh my! There an Oh my!  
  
Everywhere an Ohmy!  
  
Owen Larrs had a farm  
  
Ea-ea-o  
  
  
  
Mara Jade Sat on a Ship  
  
  
  
Mara Jade sat on a ship,  
  
Mara Jade shot some skips,  
  
All the warmasters  
  
And all the priest caste  
  
Couldn't get Mara  
  
Out of the way  
  
  
  
I Saw a Ship Come Crashing In  
  
  
  
I saw a ship come crashing in,  
  
A random day,  
  
A random day,  
  
I saw a ship come crashing in,  
  
A random day in the morning.  
  
  
  
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Thanks you so much for the reviews, please keep reviewing, if you want more insanity. RxR!  
  
Ben: (to jedi kids) I tell you she is crazy, even my mommy said so. 


	3. Star Wars Christmas Carols

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.  
  
  
  
  
  
Star Wars Christmas Carols  
  
  
  
  
  
I saw Padmé kissing a Jedi Knight  
  
  
  
I saw Padmé kissing a Jedi Knight  
  
Underneath the ship last night  
  
They didn't see me creep  
  
Down the ramp to have a peep;  
  
They thought I was lying in my cabin, fast asleep  
  
Then, I saw Padmé tickle the Jedi Knight  
  
Underneath his hood so dirty brown;  
  
Oh, what a laugh it would have been  
  
If the Council had only seen  
  
Padmé kissing a Jedi Knight last night.  
  
  
  
  
  
Lord Nyax is Coming to Town  
  
  
  
You better not kill  
  
You better not die  
  
You better not fight  
  
I'm telling you why  
  
Lord Nyax is coming to town  
  
He's killing around  
  
Checking them twice  
  
Gonna find out who's not been dark  
  
Lord Nyax is coming to town  
  
He sees you when you're breathing  
  
He knows if you're a hand  
  
He knows if you're dark or not  
  
So be bad for badness sake  
  
You better not kill  
  
You better not die  
  
You better not fight  
  
I'm telling you why  
  
Lord Nyax is coming to town  
  
  
  
  
  
Blating 'em  
  
  
  
Dashing through the space, in a Marauder Corvette  
  
Over stars we go, blasting all the way.  
  
Bells on the ship's wings, making spirits bright,  
  
What fun it is to ride and sing this crazy song tonight.  
  
Blasting 'em, Blasting 'em; Blasting all the way!  
  
O what fun it is to ride a Marauder Corvette.  
  
Blasting 'em, Blasting 'em; Blasting all the way!  
  
O what fun it is to ride a Marauder Corvette.  
  
A day or two ago, I thought I'd take a ride  
  
And soon Miss Mara Jade, was seated by my side  
  
The ship was small and dark, misfortune seemed her lot;  
  
She got into a smugglers fight, and plotted a quick jump.  
  
Blasting 'em, Blasting 'em; Blasting all the way!  
  
O what fun it is to ride a Marauder Corvette.  
  
Blasting 'em, Blasting 'em; Blasting all the way!  
  
O what fun it is to ride a Marauder Corvette.  
  
A day or two ago, a story I must tell,  
  
I went out to space, and on Vortex I fell  
  
A Vor was passing by, in a Marauder Corvette  
  
He laughed as I there sprawling lie, but quickly rode away  
  
Blasting 'em, Blasting 'em; Blasting all the way!  
  
O what fun it is to ride a Marauder Corvette.  
  
Blasting 'em, Blasting 'em; Blasting all the way!  
  
O what fun it is to ride a Marauder Corvette.  
  
Now the space is dark, got it while you're young  
  
Take the girls tonight, and sing this crazy song;  
  
Just get of the docking bay, point five is her speed  
  
Hitch him to an open ship and crack! You'll take the lead.  
  
Blasting 'em, Blasting 'em; Blasting all the way!  
  
O what fun it is to ride a Marauder Corvette.  
  
Blasting 'em, Blasting 'em; Blasting all the way!  
  
O what fun it is to ride a Marauder Corvette.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jolly Old Ben Kenobi,  
  
  
  
Jolly Old Ben Kenobi,  
  
Tell your secrets this way!  
  
Don't you tell a single soul  
  
What you're going to say  
  
Your doom is coming soon;  
  
Now, you dear old man.  
  
Whisper what will happen to me;  
  
Tell me what you can.  
  
When Vader strikes you down,  
  
When I shout for thee,  
  
Up and down the turret  
  
My vengeance I will seek:  
  
Sooner or later, the secrets  
  
I will find  
  
So tell me now,  
  
My sanity is in doubt.  
  
Wedge is unsure of how I work;  
  
Han will shout with jolly;  
  
And, Leia will be worried; but,  
  
She thinks that shouting is folly;  
  
As for Chewie, his little brain  
  
Isn't very bright;  
  
Tell me now, Old Ben Kenobi,  
  
What you think is right.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Me and my partner in crime. I mean my co-writer, will write some more. But you better review. RxR please. More reviews! Bwahahahahaha  
  
Ben: now there's two of them, run for your lives, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
